Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
This year my husband and I will celebrate 10 years of being married. I am grateful that God connected us. Marriage is not like a fairy tale, it is work. As humans we by nature tend to be selfish, in marriage we must deny our selfish nature, and put the needs of our spouse before our own. When I think back to when we were in the beginning stage of our relationship, we would talk for hours. We made sure to speak words that were endearing to each other. We were considerate always, growing in our love for each other, wanting to discover more and more about who each of us was. Now it seems that we are not as curious and considerate as we once were. I think that is normal, that we begin to believe we know everything about them. But this is not truth at all. People learn new things everyday, they try new things, discover new things that they like or don’t like, gain new wisdom about themselves, the world and so much more. Honestly, when we think about our selves we know that we are constantly learning more about who we are. So to think that we know everything about another person is just ego. We can also stop talking endearingly to each other. we can begin to just talk about things, chores, work, our family activities but lose the sweet words. If we are not mindful our words can turn from sweet to sour.
If we look at today’s scripture, we can use it as a net for catching words that do not build up our spouses. That does not mean that I only speak about things that are wonderful. It means that when I speak about the hard parts of our marriage or life, that I do so in a way that builds and strengths my husband and our marriage. Giving and being able to receive constructive criticism is vital in good relationships. It means that we are speaking word that are going to bring us closer together, and heal any hurts not cause new ones.
I want to be the wife who and person in life who speaks words that encourage, exhort and show grace according to the other person’s needs. That means I need to listen to know what they are needing. Not what I need. It’s not about self. Marriage is about agreeing to put your spouses needs above your own. It’s so contrary to the worldly views, that have us singing things like, “What have you done for me lately” It is important to understand that we all go through different seasons, and have different needs during that season. Sometimes we need to be alone, other times we need physical closeness, sometimes we need to be reminded of how far we have come, and other times we need words to compel us to get moving forward. It is so important to understand that we can not be everything for spouses and they can not be everything to us. We need God and we need other friendships.
How do you speak to others? Are your words to those closest to you spoken with kindness? Do you speak like you did when you first met each other? We are not perfect, unkind words spoken in the heat of the moment happen, but should not be the norm.
As a wife I am to not be the nagging wife. I have chosen to trust my husband to hear me when I ask for something to be done that he will do it when the time is right for him. I know he wants to get things done, cares about our home and wants to honor me. So I don’t need to nag him. I don’t want to be the angry or complaining wife. I want to have contentment and show that contentment with what we have and what we are doing. This part is a struggle for me at times, I love to be outgoing and social,and my hubby is more of an introvert. But I know he loves me and he also puts my needs into consideration. So he goes places that he does not want to go for me. He knows that I love to go an try new things so he also encourages me to go to places with my friends with no guilt about going. When I see that I am starting to engage in any negative words, I go back to the above scripture and get the needed attitude adjustment. That means I am always watching and guarding my heart and my thoughts, because or mouth is the tool that speaks what is in our hearts and minds.
Today I challenge you as I also challenge myself to speak the enduring words you spoke when you first met. To reignite the curiousness you had to learn all about your spouse, to be more active in listening to their needs. Speak words that build them up and your relationship up. Don’t hold on to hurts. God’s word tell us that his mercies are new everyday(Lamentations 3:22-23) , I am grateful for that and want to show that same mercy to my husband.